| | Coming
Out and Men
I just can not be a lesbian! Is it easier to just get married to a guy?
is your life. If you run away from it, have the kids, and the marriage, then you
will be fenced in by that white picket fence for at least 18 years. Its
up to you, but if you truly are lesbian, you will never be happy with this decision.
If you are
not happy, then no one around you will be really happy either. You will drag yourself,
your husband, your kids, your in-laws, and your family through your unhappiness
for the rest of your life, or until you decide to be honest with yourself about
who you are. Essentially, you are scared of who you are, and because of this fear
of not wanting to face your true self, you are going to take every person you
know and love down a very unhappy road with you.
If you feel you are bisexual, or lesbian, then you may want to give yourself a
bit of time before you get married. There are plenty of our members who have driven
down the marriage road, only to have to do a complete U-Turn and haul-butt the
To me, its way better to know for sure that you are happy with what you
are mapping out for your life, before putting yourself into a position where you
may have a breakdown on the side of the road later.
One thing I must say is that I do not know how many women I have spoken with over
the years who have said that they wished theyd never married their husbands,
wish theyd been braver and come out sooner, wish theyd not waited
so long, and wished they had not have wasted half of their lives.
I think God wants you to be happy, and you are the only one who can do this for
yourself. If you are happy living YOUR HUSBANDS dream of YOUR own happiness,
then so be it.
My advice to you: Dont do anything for at least 30 days. Figure out what
YOU want in YOUR life. Do you want to be happy or miserable? Do you want to raise
kids in an environment where their mother hates her own life? Do you want to hate
sex with your husband and make him feel like crap on a stick every time you make
love with him? Ive seen women do this to their husbands and their kids over
and over again, and the choice is not good for ANYONE involved.
if you are lesbian, the only choice is whether or not you are going to lie to
yourself and everyone else about who you are. Being gay isnt even in the
top ten commandments, but being a liar sure is. The choice of being brave and
standing in your own power is your choice--no one elses.
Good luck to you with whatever you decide, but please, Please, PLEASE give yourself
Out Advice For Lesbians, Bisexual and Questioning Women
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