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Do you come with an Instruction Manuel?
Erogenous Zones, 101
was actually asked the above question from a woman who I thought was well-versed
in matters of her own body. Sure, it was her first time with another woman, but
she had been married and quite open about the fact that she was very familiar
in the art of pleasing herself. I have also been with two women who had no idea
what an orgasm was. One had never been with anyone, including herself, and the
other had been in two long-term relationships, one straight and one lesbian,and
sadly neither partner bothered to help her learn the pleasures of her own body.
How Kathy and I think about this is that knowledge is power. If you
learn everything you can about a womans body, then you will have confidence
in your abilities to bring your partner pleasure. If you know what a womans
sometimes subtle responses mean, then you can communicate on a deeper level and
have a more satisfying sensual relationship.
The wonderful thing about
being lesbian or a bisexual women is that we are all basically the same in structure,
yet we are all incredibly different. What makes one woman hot with passion can
turn another woman totally off. This is why both verbal and nonverbal communication
are so important. In this installment of The Naked Truth, we will concentrate
on basic anatomy and nonverbal, or bodily, communication.
So you may
be wondering What is bodily communication? An example would be when
you get cold, your skin may become covered with goose bumps and you can start
to shiver. This is your body communicating that the temperature is dropping and
you need to do something about it. Our bodies are talking to us constantly, although
many of these messages go unnoticed because they are such common occurrences.
For most of us, sex does not happen twenty-four hours a day, which means that
during arousal, our bodys responses can be easily charted.
to chart your own arousal is to pay attention to your responses when you are beginning
to feel sexual. Do you get flushed in your face, or red around your chest and
neck? Do you feel a heat wave that starts at your feet and burns through your
center? Does your heart start pounding and your respiration increase, or does
your clitoris swell up and start to itch? Do your hands perspire or do chills
break out over your back? Is your mind suddenly full of wonderfully intense images
of what you would like to do with a female partner?
These are just a
few of the messages your body might whisper--or flat-out yell--when you are in
the mood for lesbian love. The key is to be aware of your own messages, and then
open yourself up to seeing what your partners messages are.
place to start is knowing about erogenous zones Many people think that erogenous
zones are purely genital, but Kathy and I have found this is far from true. When
a woman is in the mood, her entire body can be an erogenous zone, and its
up to her partner to learn her favorite places. This can be done by paying close
attention to what her body is telling you, or by your partner actually saying
what she likes. Both ways are great, and should be used in conjunction with each
Some common erogenous zones include a womans breasts. Breasts
come in various shapes and sizes. Many women have petite soft mounds, while others
have watermelon breasts that could about knock you out if used as a weapon! Some
women have huge nipples and some have tiny ones. Its pretty much up to your
own biology what you have on your chest.
Some womens breasts are
extremely sensitive to the touch, even to the point of producing orgasms, while
others have boobs of steel, meaning no amount of wonderful stimulation will phase
them. Whatever you have, be proud of them. Kathy always tells me she could wear
her bra backwards and no one would ever notice, something she has actually done
before with a sports bra, but whenever she brings up how small she is, I always
remind her of the old saying that More than a mouthful is wasted.
Another obvious erogenous zone is the vulva. The vulva is composed of all
the external parts of a womans genitals. The whole thing is full of nerve
endings, which makes it extremely sensitive to stimulation, so since this area
is pretty important as far as intimacy, lets start from the outside in.
The Mound of Venus, or mons pubis, is like a small pillow that sits on a
womans pubic bone. It helps pad the area so if your partner is on top of
you she wont get hurt. This area can be extremely sensitive in the beginning
arousal state for both partners. It is usually covered with pubic hair shaped
in an upside-down triangle. A lot of women do interesting things with pubic hair,
from shaving it into a heart shape, or hot-waxing it into a tiny little racing
stripe, to a total smoothy--no hair at all.
As you head down, you come
to the labia majora, or large outer lips. This area consists of two folds of skin
which usually has hair, unless its been removed. The labia majora can be
very sensitive in the beginning stages of arousal. This area is a great place
to massage your partner by lightly rubbing the folds together. When you pull them
apart, you will find the interior of the vulva.
The labia minora, or
inner lips, have no pubic hair. The skin will be similar to your partners
mouth. This area is also a great place to massage. The two folds of the labia
minora meet at the top and form the hood of the clitoris. Also called the prepuce,
this skin covers the clitoris, and protects it from driving us all crazy when
we are not meaning to be aroused.
When sensual stimulation occurs, the
clitoris swells and becomes the size of a pea. This area is also known as the
little woman in the boat. The clitoris is the only organ in the whole world
whose sole purpose is pleasure. It is full of nerve endings, and, with the correct
kind of stimulation, it can produce as many orgasms as a woman can take. It is
sexual perfection at the highest degree and should be celebrated as much as possible.
The urethra, where urine passes through to the outside of the body, is the
tiny hole located between your clitoris and your vaginal opening. To help prevent
urinary tract infections, always wipe yourself from front to back.
vaginal orifice, or opening, is also where the hymen is located. The area around
the opening, and an inch or so inside, is full of nerve endings. It is a wonderful
place to tease your lover. The vagina is a muscular, hollow tube which leads to
the cervix. The cervix is the entrance to the uterus or womb. Tampons are inserted
into the vagina, and babies leave the womb through the vagina.
down to the anus is the perineum. This can be flat, slightly raised, or an actual
ridge of skin, like a tiny labia minora. This small area is not that stimulating
for most lesbians Ive known, although the skin around and in the anus is.
The anus should be approached with caution. Some women love to have their anus
rubbed; some enjoy penetration into the rectum; and some will totally freak out
if you even mention going there.
As we said before, breasts and vulvas
are the major erogenous zones for many women, but these are certainly not the
only ones. A romantic massage is always a great way to start the fire of desire,
so become the sensual mapmaker, charting your own bodys erogenous zones
and your partners. Remember, have fun and always play safe!
NOTE: The advice in this column is the opinion of the writers and is not intended
substitute for medical or psychological treatment from a health care
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