your sex drive started to wane, and youre not feeling up to bumping and
grinding because of the old bump and grind of daily life? Would your partner/lover/girlfriend/wife
like to have some mad passionate sex, but you just dont have the desire
to follow through? Do you wonder things like: "Does sex drive fade and disappear
as we age, or does it just go away?" "What are the things that can affect
our sex drive, regardless of age?" or "Will my partner and I just sit
around like a couple of neutered cats as we get older?"
a look at some of the answers to these questions.
There are a number
of reasons that a woman's sex drive can drop off or disappear such as: stressful
life circumstances, emotional issues, cultural beliefs, physical health issues,
and side-effects due to medications.
In many cultures, myths surround
sex and aging are rampant such as: when we get older, our sex drive drops off
and eventually disappears; elderly folks just cant have sex because they
are too old and frail and could dislocate a hip (or some other body part); sex
for older people is too dangerous, because it could cause a heart attack, stroke,
and they can die.
For many people, the thought of older/elderly family
members having sex is disgusting, but when you think about it, would you want
your sex life to just disappear as you get older? Of course not, and it doesn't
have to evaporate.
The source of all these myths usually boils down to
what our culture defines as a stereotype: that sexual activity is for the young
and middle-aged. To many people, old age means sitting together on a porch, with
the cats and dogs laying around us, while we rock into the end of our lives. Thats
rocking as in a chair and not If the vans a rockin
dont come knockin!
If you feel that the idea of stereotypes
and sexuality are not valid, think about the increase of diagnoses of anorexia
and bulimia in young girls. Most of the time, these disorders develop within the
context of certain childhood issues. They can develop because of cultural views
that beauty is the stereotype of stick-thin models, or of the issues of low self-esteem
that young women deal with as adolescents, when they dont look like everyone
in the media. Some female celebrities develop these issues due to the pressures
of what they are told to look like in order to make money. The latest version
is male music artists get to wear baggie clothes, while the females must be half-naked,
leaving little to the imagination.
It is acceptable for men to be heavy,
or even obese. Look at the popularity of Jack Black, Kevin James, Philip Seymour
Hoffman, John Goodman, and Drew Carey, to name a few. Now think of how many overweight
actresses are on TV or in the movies, that have the type of popularity that these
Some of us may, indeed, loose our sex drive as we get older.
As a matter of fact, some studies show that approximately one third of women report
a lack of interest in sex. Aging and menopause, either surgical or naturally going
through the process, are associated with a risk of sex drive decrease. The medical
viewpoint is that this is due to declining hormone levels in women.
are solutions if this is a hormonal issue, including testosterone treatment. For
a good source of information on this subject, and different types of treatments,
visit the website of Jennifer Berman, MD: http://www.bermansexualhealth.com.
She and her sister, Laura Berman, LCSW & PhD, hosted a TV show called
Berman & Berman that covered issues of womens sexuality
and related health concerns. This website is very comprehensive and has a great
deal of information on different types of treatments for sex drive decrease that
is physically based.
Laura Bermans website is from a counseling
perspective, and covers many issues regarding sex and intimacy: http://www.drlauraberman.com.
I would suggest doing some research on the Internet, especially on the websites
I've noted above, before talking to your health practitioner. She or he may not
be aware of all the options available for treatment, and not all doctors are open
to testosterone therapy, according to Dr. Jennifer Bermans site.
Some medications can also affect sexual desire. The ones I'm most familiar with
are the SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, anti-psychotic
medications, and mood stabilizers. Mood stabilizers are frequently anti-seizure
medications that have been found to help stabilize mood. Other medications that
could interfere with sex drive or sexual reactions are sedatives, some pain relievers,
anti-anxiety medications, birth control pills, beta-blockers, diabetes medications,
stimulants, appetite suppressants, and medications for high blood pressure. Youll
have to check with your MD or the pharmacist to see if your medication interferes
with your sex drive or sexual responses.
There are different ways around
this issue. Some psychiatrists and/or general practitioners who prescribe these
medications will suggest a "drug holiday." This means going off the
meds youre on, after you have them established in your system, for a day
or two to allow your sex drive to return. Sometimes a decrease in the dosage will
do. NOTE: Always talk to your MD before decreasing the dosage or taking yourself
off any medications for any reason, or duration of time (except missed dose during
the day). Always talk to your doctor and ask questions. You have a right to find
out as much as you can about side effects of medication and treatments.
Other factors in decreased sexual desire are psychological in nature. Depression,
anxiety, stress, self-confidence issues, or problems with your relationship or
physical health can wear on your mental outlook, and contribute to lack of desire.
If there are mental health concerns due to situational depression, on-going mental
health issues, and/or stressful life situations, then connecting with a therapist
to deal with these issues can be important.
At the least, you can help
yourself by taking the time to care for your personal needs. Finding ways to relieve
stress is important, and will greatly benefit your health mentally and physically.
Exercise helps to release endorphins into your system, and mood stabilization
A good, healthy, diet low in simple carbohydrates and processed sugars, will help
with issues of depression and anxiety, and keep you physically fit, and feeling
good due to more stabilized blood sugar.
Sometimes when we are in long-term
relationships, our lives get caught up in the ebb and flow of daily routine and
stress. When this happens, sex can become less of a focus due to being overwhelmed
in other areas of our lives. In these cases, set a date for sex with your partner.
Whether you are in the mood or not, work on having some intimacy. Start
out with cuddling, snuggling, kissing, massaging, and move into a more intense
foreplay. Let your mood build, and as you get into it, the desire will most likely
follow. Remember to not think about the bills that need to be paid, the criticism
from your boss, the kids needing new shoes, or the dog/cat needing shots. Focus
on your lover and the moment.
I know that this isnt totally romantic,
or what our culture has taught us concerning what a sexual relationship should
be. The reality is that if you can push yourself to revive the sexual aspects
of your life, then the benefits are many. You can do this, and it may take only
one of the things weve discussed, or a combination of several of the techniques
or treatments to help you over the hump--to get you back into humping. Increased
intimacy with your partner results in decreased stress, and a happier outlook
on life in general, so good night and good sex!