Advice for young women coming out

The Naked Truth
Article Featured On:

Lesbianation.com, Shewired.com, Gaywired.com,
247gay.com, Latinoglo.com, Queerfuture.com,
Countrygayweb.com, Gaymonkey.com and Grayandgay.com

Advice for young women coming out

Kathy and I have spoken to lots of young women concerning ways to prepare for a successful life as a lesbian or bisexual. Since so many people are coming out at a younger age, we thought we’d put together a few things for anyone who may be experiencing the fears some of us face when we realize we are different than many other people in the world.

First thing, if you are having a lot of anxiety and negative thoughts on who you may be, you have got to change the way you are thinking. You've got to start thinking positive thoughts in order to change the way your life is going. If you keep concentrating on your fears, you will continue to have more fear. If you can visualize what you want for your life, then things will start moving in your favor. It's all about how you think, and how you think leads to how you feel, and how you feel can lead you to a better life.

The more you concentrate on your fears of coming out, the more fear and loneliness you will have. Like most of us at some point in our lives, you can easily get caught in a circle of your own making. Kind of like a merry-go-round, going around in circles and never going anywhere other than the same track it's been on for years.

When you are first coming out it can be really scary, because the way you thought your life would be may suddenly change. It's one day at a time, and if you can't handle that, it's one hour at a time, and if you can't handle that, it's one minute at a time.

Deep breaths and honoring yourself in any way you can is the best thing I've found that helps me when I'm freaking out. Meditation, taking long walks in nature, doing artwork or any gift you may have, are good ways to keep your mind on other things until you are strong enough to handle the deep-seated issues.

How happy you are in your life really is all about how you feel inside. No one can make you feel anything, unless you allow them to do so--it’s all about how you think.

Let’s say someone is really nasty to you at work or school. If you choose to dwell on what happened over and over again, then you are constantly reliving that negative situation. If you choose to change your thoughts, and release the negative circumstance, then you are taking back the power of the situation, and you are winning the fight for yourself in a very positive way. You are changing the way you think, which will help you to feel better.

I’ve found that when I feel good, I only attract positive, happy people. Things go great, and everything seems like it’s flowing with the river of life. If I get scared, weirded out, or a bad ol' case of PMS blues, then things go downhill pretty darned fast. The computers crash, my relationships are suddenly on shaky ground, our animals fight, and on and on and on. It really is all about how we feel inside, and it is so simple that most people totally miss it, so here are a few things that Kathy and I have put together to help anyone who is coming out or going through a transition in her life:

1. As we mentioned above, the most important thing you can do to change your life is to learn how to think positively. Invest a bit of money in some self-help/Law of Attraction books that teach you how to control your own thoughts. Some great ones we’ve read are: "Excuse Me: Your Life is Waiting" by Lynn Grabhorn; “Ask and It Is Given” by Abraham-Hicks Publications; or the ever popular “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. You can read these as books, or listen to them as books on CDs. All of them have great ideas on ways to help you learn how to change your thoughts, which will in turn change your feelings, which will then change your life.

2. Continue on with your education; go as far as you can so that you can assure yourself a good and prosperous life. Pick a couple of vocations that you would love to do, and get as much education as possible. If you are having financial problems, check at local colleges and vocational/technical schools for grants or if they have a some kind of work program. I had a grant and worked as a student assistant, which really helped me A LOT. Getting an education is very important, because the more education you have in a good profession, that professionals will be needed in the future, the more successful your life will be. The happier you are, the more happy, well-adjusted, people will be attracted to you.

3. Figure out where you want to live, and make trips to find a job after your schooling. Visualize where you want to be and who you want to be, and don't wait for your situation to magically change; do things to make the changes happen yourself.

4. Learn how to manage and invest money. Establish good credit, but don't overdo the charge cards. They can get you into a heck of a lot of trouble, so don't use them too much if at all possible. Suze Orman is a very successful internationally acclaimed personal finance expert who is also lesbian, and her books are great for learning how to invest money.

5. Buy a home in your dream location as soon as possible. Renting is great, but when you move you have nothing to show for it. At least if you buy and you ever have to relocate, you will make some money back on your investment.

There are probably hundreds of other things that we could include, but that is basically what I wish that someone would have told me when I was floundering around in my twenties.

I know there is more to life than material things, but the truth is that we are material beings living in a material world. If you can be successful in this material world, then your spirit will be much happier, and you should be able to attract to you whatever you may want and need to make you happy, including a wonderful person to share your life with.

Tracey Stevens and Cathy Wonder are the co-authors of
“How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide”
“Coming Out Advice for Lesbian and Bisexual Women"
“Relationship Advice for Lesbian and Bisexual Women"
“Lesbian Sex Tips: A Guide for Anyone Who Wants
To Bring Pleasure to the Woman She (Or He) Loves”
“Sex tips para lesbianas/ Sex tips for lesbians" (Spanish Edition)
“The Lesbian Big O: Over 100 Sensual Illustrations"

Their website, www.AmazingDreamsPublishing.com,
provides more than 1,500 free community services for
lesbian and bisexual women worldwide.

Contact Tracey and Kathy at
www.amazingdreamspublishing.com/contact.html

NOTE: The advice in this column is the opinion of the writers and is not intended as a
substitute for medical or psychological treatment from a health care professional.

Last Shewired ArticleNext Shewired Article

Articles and Advice Columns List

Help us spread the word
about what we are doing
for our community:

Amazing Dreams Publishing
International Website For
Gay, Bisexual and Questioning Women
PO Box 1811, Asheville, NC 28802

HOME • ABOUT US • PRESSROOM • NEWSLETTERS • FOLLOW US • SITE MAP

AFFILIATE PROGRAM • PUBLISH YOUR BOOK • WHOLESALE BOOKS • COMMENTS

COMING OUT AND SENSUALITY BOOKS FOR WOMEN • SEXUALITY BOOKS FOR MEN • ARTICLES

COMING OUT RESOURCES • OVER 1,500 FREE ECARDS • RESOURCE LINKS • WEBRINGS

SENSUAL TOY STORE • ONLINE FLOWER SHOP • PRIVACY POLICY • CONTACT
\\\\
Copyright ©2001-2015
Amazing Dreams Publishing
All rights reserved.
No part of this website shall be reproduced or
transmitted by any means without written permission.

Website design and maintenance by AD Graphic Design.